What the Hell is this?

At age 13 my auntie and her detestable husband moved out of our home and I received, the first time in my life, a small room only for me. That gave me the first opportunity to be alone and think, and thinking about who was I and what I was going to do in life, arrived to the conclusion that I was a self-reproduction machine and nothing else I could think of. In the absence of other ideas, I decided to fulfill the purpose of my body and reproduce, and then of my mind, and make money (we were penniless Hungarian refugees, seriously).  To make my objectives achievable, I put concrete quantitative goals to myself, so and so children and so and so dollars. It was 400,000 dollars, because that was the sum whose interest would amount to a good middle class salary in those times, about one thousand dollars per month.

In a few years I completed those objectives but for some reason, I cannot stop. I mean I am past the age of sex, but keep working without actually knowing why. I have a pension and children are grown up and independent, so I work because I like it and doesnt know else.

I kept thinking about what the Hell is where I am and what I am supposed to do here, but did not advance a iota. This Hell is very strange: the universe appears to be expanding faster than the velocity of light, which is an absolute limit, so humans will never reach the border of the universe and have a look what is there outside. On the other hand, we shall never know what is what we are made of, as the quantum realm "down there" is indefinite and nothing is real. It is like somebody put us definitive barriers that we can never break and discover the truth. We may be a simulation or we may be God's creation. Why should God busy itself in creating the universe? The Jewish answer is to be its holy people and sanctify him or whatever.

Whatever. Now I continue working, planning a mikveh. For money,of course.